Here We Go Round Again

I have been dealing with neck pain for two years now. It was a year ago on April 1 when I felt a lightning bolt go through my body and I knew I had a very serious neck issue that I could no longer deny. It was a horrible time of my life with both physical and emotional pain like I had never known.

I actually had cervical spine surgery scheduled for four days after my official divorce.  At the time I realized how crazy it was to schedule a second major life event four days after the first. So I canceled my surgery not knowing what I was going to do next.

I decided to rest my body and so I went flat on my back for months. I dealt with a lot of different pain medicines that my body didn’t like at all. I started losing a lot of weight which I couldn’t afford to lose. And I was in an incredible amount of pain. I was determined to not need surgery and I thought by resting my body I could do that. I basically lost the entire summer with my son as a result.

Finally at the end of the summer I felt well enough to at least meet with the physical therapist. When I did, he gave me hope that I could possibly build my body back up so that I would not need surgery. I worked hard at the physical therapy three days a week for 2+ hours each time and my upper body was in the best shape it had ever been in. I had lots of hope that I would not need surgery. By the end of the year I thought, “I had done it”.

And then this year I started working at a job I love. However, it is this job that I love that has brought back all that pain and numbness again. Yesterday my physical therapist said he did not want to see me until after I have seen the surgeon. He gave me the words of advice that you never want to hear from a physical therapist and that is to limit your activity. When I joked, “Does that mean lie down?” He very seriously said, “Yes, rest. This is very serious.” The seriousness of his tone and the concern on his face told me I had to get very serious about this.

So here I am doing as he suggested… Lying down, resting, waiting for my appointment in 6 days with the surgeon…and alone in my thoughts. It all feels very familiar yet it’s not in so many ways. This time I know I have given it my all before facing surgery. I am a much stronger person emotionally. I have a different outlook on things. I know ultimately it is all for my greater good. I am at peace with whatever happens.


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