I feel like I’m at an AA meeting when I say that. I recently observed myself being passive aggressive with this woman I’m now dating. I was so aware I was doing it in the moment. It felt horrible and yet I continued to do it. It was the strangest feeling of being aware and not being able to stop it. I suppose it is a lot like AA in that once you have the awareness then you can begin to change.
This is one of the things I had talked with my therapist about this past week. And I was frustrated with myself in that I couldn’t stop my behavior. I knew it was old, learned behavior. It’s the house I grew up in. My parents never verbalized any issues; the arguments were always silent. Part of my journey has been to break these old behaviors that don’t feel right to me. And this is a big one.
My therapist in her wise words said “Ok now you know that doesn’t work. Now you need to find another way. ” I’m still in the process of finding that other way but I believe the key is in open, honest communication. And I am dating a woman who I’m able to do that with. How lucky am I?!