I am again laying here in bed thinking…this time about this couple who are parents of a boy from my son, Alex’ class. We have known one another for the last 4 years when our boys started preschool together.
I had once considered them among my closest friends and now since the separation and divorce when I see them all I get is a very negative feeling. I had so many tears shed over the loss of this friendship, I could have filled oceans. I had many therapy sessions on the roller coaster of emotions I went through. I had many sleepless nights over it. The Mom had been the second Mom I told about being gay and the divorce. After which we went on to have an incredible 5 hour heart to heart conversation over dinner and wine. Then a few months later after moving out of the house with my husband, slowly things started to change between her and I. After awhile she barely spoke to me. I had asked her to get together to talk about the issues. Both of those times I never felt she was completely honest and upfront with me about what was really going on. Each time I was more and more shocked, confused and plain ole hurt.
But all of that eventually led me to the peace I now have over it. I now fully understand I cannot control other’s reactions. I cannot control their feelings. I cannot control what they think of me. All I can do is continue to be the best me I can be. I tried to make that relationship into something apparently it wasn’t and I needed to let it go. Once I did, I made room for even more incredible friends. True friends that love me just the way I am. For exactly who I was and who I still am. That couple doesn’t know it yet but I thank them for that very hard lesson of letting go. I continue to be amazed and awed by what and who is showing up in my life as a result.