I have done a lot of work on myself especially over the last three years. And so much of that work felt selfish. And in all fairness, I suppose it was. Unfortunately in all this work of my self discovery it resulted in me unable to stay in my marriage. And that is by far the hardest decision and thing I have ever done in my 47 years here to date.
I realize also that I don’t believe I have told my former husband I’m sorry enough. I know he was hurt, crushed, devastated, angry and so many more emotions as a result. I wish I could’ve been more empathetic while were going through it. While it was painful for me, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain it was for him. And when I think about that, I cry. I cry knowing that I caused that pain to a man I love. I just couldn’t love him the way he wanted me to, as a wife. And for that I am sorry.
I have never actually asked for forgiveness from him. But I do hope someday he can see it in his heart to forgive me.
I am so thankful to him for so many things. And here again, I have not told him enough just how thankful I am for everything he brought to my life and all the lessons he taught me. I will be forever grateful for all the things we shared, for the beautiful son we created, for the many moments we shared, for the memories we created and for the life we shared.
I do still love him. I did tell him all the time while we were married that I loved him and I meant it. What I haven’t done recently is tell him that I still love him and I still mean it. I see through that sometimes tough outer shell into that beautiful soul that he is.
I hope someday he will hear these words and understand I mean every single one as they come from my heart.