You Stay Here, I’ll Go On Ahead

I was in a parent group session with a therapist and another woman tonight at a place called Kids In the Middle. It is an amazing organization that helps kids going through divorce. So every Tuesday for the last six months my son, Alex has been going to group therapy with other kids. And since we parents are sitting there in the waiting room they began also having parent group sessions while the kids are in their group. It continues to amaze me how many parents do not take advantage of this free opportunity and instead choose to stay on their phones/iPads/electronics together yet isolated in the waiting room. I’m always the first one standing and ready to go to the parent group. My theory is I can always learn something and if I can get one nugget of gold, I’m all over it. I haven’t been disappointed yet.

Tonight I happened to be paired with another woman who had a very similar but different situation. In her case she didn’t realize she was gay; however she did realize it was an empty marriage. We talked about how we had woken up after many years of marriage to how alone and empty we felt. How was it we had allowed ourselves to change so much? How did we allow ourselves to be lost? How long could we go on showing our children this was acceptable? Showing them it was okay to stay in a marriage where not only the love had been lost but so had the person their mommy was? I actually read part of what I wrote in my previous post, Have You Ever Cried After Sex? and the other mom was throwing her hands up saying, “Yes! Yes! I know! I know!” I told her and the therapist of discovering myself through paint colors I Had to Get Divorced to Pick Out My Own Paint Colors. Again, she was throwing her hands up saying, “Yes! Yes! I know! I know!”

Then I was talking about when I was still living in the house with Mark, my former husband and going through the divorce and he commented that he wanted the old Susan back. I told him she was never coming back, she was long gone. In tonight’s therapy session I realized while talking about this that he had remained the same, he was the same person I had married and he was happy staying right there. But I was the one that had slowly changed in the marriage. I had begun to grow into a new person and this had caused serious friction. I was trying to change and he wanted to stay right where we were. He wanted it all to remain as it had been and that was no longer an option for me. I knew I would die a slow death if I stayed. Instead, I am now uncovering this incredible person that continues to emerge and it only could have happened with my freedom to do just that. This is the person I am and I love who I’m becoming. That’s who I want my son to know so he, too can know the freedom to do just that.

  

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This entry was posted in Awakening, Be Yourself, Change, coming out, Finding Yourself, Gay, Happy, Husband, Lesbian, LGBT, Life, Love, peace, Self Discovery, Speaking the Truth and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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