Have You Ever Cried After Sex?

I have. And they were not tears of joy. They were tears of sadness, loneliness and realizing this was what our relationship had become.

I hadn’t thought of this for years but it hit me a few hours after my sister, Pat had asked questions about my marriage today. We were talking about the lack of intimacy he and I had shared during our marriage. How it felt like sex with him was something he did TO me; whereas sex with a woman was something you did WITH her. I remembered sex with him was lights off and his eyes shut. I remember wanting to look into his eyes during sex and never being able to because they were shut. I remember feeling like he wasn’t present, he was somewhere else. I remember feeling like it was a means to an end for him. And I remember quietly crying on more than one occasion afterwards. I am realizing just how sad and alone I felt many times lying next to him.

And now I lay by myself, no longer married, the happiest I can remember, feeling so loved by many and my eyes are wide open.

  

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This entry was posted in Awakening, Be Open, Be Yourself, Finding Yourself, Gay, Husband, Lesbian, Love, Self Discovery and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Have You Ever Cried After Sex?

  1. Deana says:

    these words say what many woman have felt in their in their lives. I cried for many years, too many years quietly while my husband slept after achieving his means to an end. I had let this go on until I could no longer play this horrible game. I realized when I suddenly felt the need to lash out and hurt him while making love in a very loveless way . I left not long after, You are very lucky to have experienced what I as yet have not. I want to look deep into her eyes and soul while expressing myself so intimately while she also see into my soul and my love

    • Deana thank you for your comments. Yes, I am floored with how many women I have shared this with who have admitted they too could relate to the sadness and loneliness. It doesn’t matter if you are gay or straight, those feelings can hit anyone of us. I also believe we, as woman, so many times ignore it or somehow rationalize it “for the sake of the family”.

  2. Pingback: You Stay Here, I’ll Go On Ahead | Journey Beside Me

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