Is It Possible to Go From Scared to Total Peace?

So what happened between my last writings and now? Drama, became a “card carrying” lesbian, dated and multiple break-ups with the same person, love, passion, sex,  pain, an “almost spine surgery”, divorce, tears (lots of ’em), redefining my relationship with my son, loss of friends, redefinition of some friendships, lots of new friends, two moves and now in a fabulous house, a couple of part-time jobs, near-death of my Mom, death of my grandmother, pot-lucks, major life conversations, self-discovery and now…PEACE. You know…LIFE.

Some have asked, “How did you get to this point? What did you do? Why did you stop writing?” Well here’s a snapshot of some physical reminders.

Original Journals

My original writings from April 2012 through February 5, 2015.

I never stopped writing; I just stopped writing here on my blog. My journal writing helped to keep me (relatively) sane as did my therapist, my friends and family, meditation and mostly my belief in myself.

Someone else asked me what made me actually post my coming out letter for the world to see? Posting the letter was a combination of the gnawing feeling I wanted to start up this blog again but didn’t know where to start. A wise friend said recently, “Just start! You HAVE to. There’s so much for you to share.” And then I did a meditation and it was clear there was no better place to start than with that letter. So I took a deep breath and posted it. Guess what? The sun still came up the next morning and I was still at peace.

Another question to helping me determine what I would write here was asking myself the question of WHY. That made me stop and think. Originally this blog was a type of therapy for me but also I thought how wonderful if my story could help even one person. Now in my new space of being fully me, I do it for the latter of the two reasons. It’s the starfish story and Gandhi’s “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

It all goes back to where I started…scared. (Side note: I find it very interesting that of my 64 posts here to date, the most popular was titled “I’m Scared”.) I’ve certainly been scared to death about the uncertainty of what I was facing when I went through what I now affectionately call my “crazy time” (March 2012 – January 2013). But I’m here to say there is a rainbow on the other side and I now affectionately call my new place PEACE. Won’t you join me here?

This entry was posted in Change, coming out, Crazy, Gay, Journal, Lesbian, LGBT, Love, peace, scared and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Is It Possible to Go From Scared to Total Peace?

  1. Deana says:

    Welcome back my dear friend. You are at peace as your words so beautiful put it. So much pain, loss and unbridled fear of the unknown has paced you by. These few brief paragraphs cover so many months, nearly 3 years, of you journey. What a wonderful way you’ve expressed yourself. What a wonderful way to express the ‘light’ you’ve found at the end of that dark tunnel of your life. I’m so glad that you are once again writing and composing within this blog and look forward to many more interesting and inspiring entries. Your strength of character and fortitude will shine through your words and the experiences of just living the life you want to live will certainly inspire anyone who chooses to follow your blog!


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