So what happened between my last writings and now? Drama, became a “card carrying” lesbian, dated and multiple break-ups with the same person, love, passion, sex, pain, an “almost spine surgery”, divorce, tears (lots of ’em), redefining my relationship with my son, loss of friends, redefinition of some friendships, lots of new friends, two moves and now in a fabulous house, a couple of part-time jobs, near-death of my Mom, death of my grandmother, pot-lucks, major life conversations, self-discovery and now…PEACE. You know…LIFE.
Some have asked, “How did you get to this point? What did you do? Why did you stop writing?” Well here’s a snapshot of some physical reminders.
I never stopped writing; I just stopped writing here on my blog. My journal writing helped to keep me (relatively) sane as did my therapist, my friends and family, meditation and mostly my belief in myself.
Someone else asked me what made me actually post my coming out letter for the world to see? Posting the letter was a combination of the gnawing feeling I wanted to start up this blog again but didn’t know where to start. A wise friend said recently, “Just start! You HAVE to. There’s so much for you to share.” And then I did a meditation and it was clear there was no better place to start than with that letter. So I took a deep breath and posted it. Guess what? The sun still came up the next morning and I was still at peace.
Another question to helping me determine what I would write here was asking myself the question of WHY. That made me stop and think. Originally this blog was a type of therapy for me but also I thought how wonderful if my story could help even one person. Now in my new space of being fully me, I do it for the latter of the two reasons. It’s the starfish story and Gandhi’s “Be the change you want to see in the world”.
It all goes back to where I started…scared. (Side note: I find it very interesting that of my 64 posts here to date, the most popular was titled “I’m Scared”.) I’ve certainly been scared to death about the uncertainty of what I was facing when I went through what I now affectionately call my “crazy time” (March 2012 – January 2013). But I’m here to say there is a rainbow on the other side and I now affectionately call my new place PEACE. Won’t you join me here?