I’m Back and I’m Looking to Write My Answers

Life_TwistsandTurnsMay 23, 2003  It’s interesting this journey of mine with all it’s twists and turns. It does seem that writing this blog tends to give me answers. Sometimes it even answers questions I didn’t even know I had.

In January 2013 I had such a knowing; everything was crystal clear. Then it slowly got foggy over time. Life tends to do that I find. And yet here I am again wanting to continue to relive last year again. So here goes…

June 22, 2012  The week in Rhode Island has progressed with so many strange things happening. Monday, June 18 After visiting my Mom in the hospital, I had gone out with friends of mine from the high school days. We always had a great time but somehow this night I felt such a disconnect with them. I didn’t know if it was the issue with my Mom, Mary, sexuality, spirituality or something else that was causing the feeling. I just knew I had to leave, so I did.

Throughout the week we were dealing with my Mom’s medical issues. Now my family being made of two sisters who are the medical folks and the other two of us not, made it quite “simple” for me. I sat back, listened and watched as the observer. My sister, Anne was spinning with how the hospital and doctors were handling all my Mom’s medical issues. At one point I felt the need to tell her  she needed to calm down. She was causing unnecessary angst with Mom and Dad. I told her of course she was valid in her concerns as far as I could see but it was important to keep it all in check for Mom and Dad’s sake.

On Friday, I had some body work by one of my sister’s colleagues and it was POWERFUL. You may recall ever since I can remember I have had stiffness in my joints. Well he was working on me and suggested that it was possibly from a reaction I had to an immunization as a child. That seemed to fit in with what I recall of when it all transpired. After he had worked on me I couldn’t move. I was so exhausted and thankfully I was at my sister Anne’s house. They all took care of Alex while I had one of the deepest sleeps I have ever known.

And then there was the issue with Mary all week. I had realized I was back in one of my old patterns. I was putting my happiness in someone else’s hands. There is no denying she has some sort of “hold” over me but I needed to be in charge of my own happiness. I needed to feel it all and breathe thru it. Therein lies one of my answers.

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This entry was posted in Awakening, Be Open, Change, Gay, Lesbian, LGBT, Mom and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I’m Back and I’m Looking to Write My Answers

  1. Deana says:

    I’m happy you’re back….

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