6/7/12 I’m having a hard time writing my screenplay, “I’m Coming Out. The Truth Hurts”. When it comes time to actually write it down on a piece of paper, I keep doubting whether I’m gay or not. After my visit with my friends in Massachusetts the doubt is exceptionally stronger.
My logical brain wishes there was a way to know for sure. I want to know for sure without screwing everything up. You know, have my cake and eat it too. Of course what would I be screwing up? This “perfect” love life that I have? The questions still go round and round in my head. Am I gay? Is the gay issue the reason the marriage isn’t working? Is it a combination of the gay issue and the issues within our marriage? Can I work on my marriage? Would I truly be happy if I did? Would it be a compromise? Is a compromise so bad? Is it just a midlife crisis that I have to get through? What can I live with?
…and so continues the internal conflict within.