It Made Me Wonder

5/29/12  I have to apologize to my readers out there. What follows are three totally separate thoughts about things that happened this day.

First, I had the strangest dream and felt the need to write it down. I dreamt that I was back working at my old company and was traveling with the salesman based in California and my friend from high school, Kathi. We were at an expensive hotel and there’s confusion with the staff about someone elses shirts in our room. I slept in the bed with the salesman and Kathi. He asks if I would be with others and I said I wouldn’t be with him sexually, just as we were. It was so strange and yet so real. I’m sure it’s not too difficult to figure out what all of this meant in my real world. Makes you wonder about the dreams we have.

Second, now back to real life. During the meditation today when it was time for the actual meditation, a train came by during 95% of the meditation and it distracted me just a tad. Over the weekend I had watched a documentary where a boy was throwing a fit wanting his Dad to fix his toy train. After awhile of his out of control fit, his Dad realized the train represented his family. The boy was asking his Dad to fix their family. Oh boy did that send me into a whirlwind of guilt with what was going on with me!

Third, a strange thing happened yesterday. A teenage girl had gotten a flat tire and managed to pull her car to the bottom of our driveway. My son and I had been outside playing and realized what happened. So naturally we went over to see if we could help. She was insistent on waiting for her mom to arrive. We kept her company and chatted while we waited for her Mom.

Her Mom showed up and they talked for a bit about what had happened, had some laughs and then the Mom said, “OK now here’s your lesson on changing a tire…” She went on to tell the daughter what to do but did not do it for her. I thought what a smart Mom! The Mom and I chatted about the fact she worked as an export manager. Now that sparked something for me. I had loved my job with my old company in the export department. I loved dealing with the agents all around the world. I loved learning of their cultures. I loved figuring out the logistics of getting the freight from Massachusetts to a foreign country. It brought me back to realize that I sure did love that job.

I then start realizing there was something about this woman. I admire her. I think she’s cute. I wonder if she has other kids. She didn’t have a wedding ring on so I wonder if she’s divorced. I wonder if she likes women. Although I never saw her again, it did make me wonder….

This entry was posted in Awakening, Change, coming out, Gay, Lesbian, LGBT, Meditation, Mom and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to It Made Me Wonder

  1. alexkellyoc says:

    I think someone has fallen hard for someone else 😛

    • Gee Alex what makes you think that? 🙂

      • alexkellyoc says:

        The part when you say indirectly that she grabbed your attention, by making you thinking if she has more children, if she’s into women etc…
        I am into psychology so I noticed stuff like those, sorry.

      • I wouldn’t say I had “fallen” for this woman. It definitely brought to light the fact I was noticing women in a different light more often now. I was beginning to open up to the idea and allowing myself to open up to the idea.

      • alexkellyoc says:

        My more detailed answer would be this one:
        I think that not only you have open up to be possibility of being another woman than Mary but also-you kind of saw what you want in a woman in general when you saw that woman, helping her daughter with the changing the car’s tyre. If she was just another woman you happen to see every once in awhile, I don’t think you’d notice if she’s wearing a wedding ring or not, if she’s gay or not, if she has other children as well etc.
        ‘Fallen” is a strong word I guess but there’s something close to it if you ask me.

      • Alex, thanks for the clarity.

      • alexkellyoc says:

        You’re welcome. like I told you-I am into psychology so I notice stuff like those even when someone tries to hide that.

  2. Your comments struck me as being somewhat familiar to mine..... says:

    Dreams really are a view into one own phsycology, or a least I believe so….for me is being able to find the ‘hidden’ messages that they are trying to to tell me….for me, no easy task and I suspect neither for many….I identified with some of your writings today……

  3. Nice post Journey. I appreciate the honest and matter of fact way you have of sharing your journey with us…I can appreciate where your mind went with the woman who talked her daughter through the tire change. The part of me that is drawn to women had been put up on the shelf for many a year….but no more. It feels so good to make space once again and for good for this part of me…just one part of who I am but an essential part and one that needs to be owned if I am to grow into wholeness. Thank you.

    • Thank you Strolling. Yes, I too am slowly learning to allow it “down from the shelf” and start to feel those feelings again. It IS a rather freeing feeling, isn’t it? I love your comments and so appreciate them. Thank you also for sharing.

  4. sapphospeaks says:

    GAYDAR!!! I love it. 🙂


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