I’m Coming Out. The Truth Hurts.

5/22/12  Today is my first official session with my life coach and I’m scared as can be. Luckily he’s a gentle soul and made me feel completely at ease talking to him about everything.

We started with him asking me to rate the different areas of my life from 1-10 with 1 being the worst and 10 best. Here is what I said:

 Spirituality: 8
Love Life: 2
Health: 7
Family: 6.5
Friendships: 7

The first thing he pointed out was I did not even mention career. How interesting. He went further on to say he would bet that I had always used my career as a distraction. HA that would be my head nodding yes, oh so true. He also said I probably have been wrapping my spirituality around my love life. Now THAT was a revelation and also true. He then asked me what number I wanted my love life to be at. I naturally answered, “10 – doesn’t everyone want that?”. To which he replied, “No, not everyone did want it to be a 10. Now recognize that is a huge jump and will be very powerful. It will be work.” But I need to be gentle with myself and allow the outside to work itself out. I have the freedom to go where ever I want.

Of course my next question was “Ok so you can help with this, HOW do I DO this?” His response, “The solution is within you.” Oh boy. Great now I HAVE THE ANSWER?! How do I get to it? I kept saying I had been putting my happiness “on the shelf”, my thing with Mary was “on the shelf”, my sexuality was “on the shelf”, my problems with my husband were and how to talk about them were “on the shelf”. He stopped me and said it’s not “on the shelf”; it’s all right there inside you so let’s stop saying it’s “on the shelf”. There is no “shelf”.

We then talked about the fact I only get to have this experience once. Don’t rush it. Don’t force it. Stay present. Get every AHA. Feel every hurt you didn’t know what to do with. Use your meditation to get clarity.

First you’re going to write a screen play he said. Oh dear. What did I know about that? And it’s going to be about telling my husband I’m gay. Oh shit I don’t want to do THAT! He said you know you’ve got this movie running in your head about when you tell him. Now you’re going to put it on paper. I have a movie running in my head? Really? Nah that can’t be what’s going on. He continued to hold my feet to the fire about this and told me it was to be a “movie short”. It has a beginning, middle and an end. I got to determine how long it was, who was in it, where the scene was and everything in between. He told me to write about how it IS, not how you WANT it to be. Realize when you’re stuck or stopped. Stop. Breathe and tell the truth. Be honest, the truth sets you free. We then created a title for it, “I’m Coming Out. The Truth Hurts.”

The Gay Persons Theme Song. Diana Ross – “I’m Coming Out”

This entry was posted in Be Open, Change, Coach, coming out, Gay, Husband, Lesbian, Life, Speaking the Truth and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to I’m Coming Out. The Truth Hurts.

  1. alexkellyoc says:

    This somehow reminds me of an episode of Ally McBeal in which Ally’s therapist tells her to find a song that suits her and her problems would be solved;your post is very much like that episode.
    Your therapist (despite not being exactly a therapist) has a point here-you really should tell your husband that you are gay. For the better or for the worse remember this: what happens, happens for the best. Even if you and your husband don’t remain friends afterwards you can finally start over your life the way YOU WANT IT and with the PERSON YOU WANT AND DESERVE. 🙂
    I’ll keep my fingers crossed for when you’re telling your husband about that-it’s not going to be easy for sure but I still hope that he’d reply to that with quotes such as ” I knew you were” .

  2. Kate says:

    I wish you all the best! Compared to most people, you are VERY honest. With that as an “intro,” I’d like to make one suggestion: change the title. Truth doesn’t hurt. We might expect it to. But I think THAT is what hurts.

    • Kate, your comments were exactly what my sister, Ann said when she heard about the title. Interesting I thought it had to hurt. That is where I was in May with all of it and you are right, it is our expectations of how things are going to turn out. Stay tuned…Thanks again for taking the time out to comment.

  3. Wow. I need a life coach. Sounds like he really helped you move forward.

  4. I really enjoyed your post. Coming out can be terrifying but extremely liberating. Just try to remember that your happiness is what comes first! I wish you the best!

  5. sapphospeaks says:

    I commend you for wanting to tell your husband that you’re gay before your divorce. That’s a very brave thing, and a very honest thing. I did not feel I had that option because my ex and I never had that kind of relationship. Anytime I wanted to have a talk about anything that had to do with my feelings or our relationship, he was always so defensive and it got ugly. He is still that way, even when our kids try to talk with him. His dad is like that, too.

    That was one of the biggest and happiest surprises about my relationship with my partner. I thought discussions only happened between couples on TV. Now I know it’s a fairly normal thing. Who knew?

    Good for you for getting help, too. I can tell you want the best for others, and for yourself, too.

    • Oh trust me, we have never had a relationship where we talk about anything of substance. So this whole idea of having a serious conversation scares the hell out of me. I love hearing about the happy endings…or I suppose beginnings. And you said it right, I do want the best for everyone everywhere. That’s why speaking my truth is so huge for all of us. Thanks so much for your comments Sappho. I really do appreciate your insights.

  6. Loz says:

    Great post! you’re so right that the truth sets us free. Following your own truth (once you work out what it is) and then having the courage to live it is where true freedom and happiness reside. I send you loving thoughts and best wishes on your journey. From my perspective, it’s the fear of what might happen that causes the most distress. So if you can step out of the fear, have some faith in yourself, takes some deep breaths and then do what you need to do, you’re most likely to find that things will sort themselves out one way or another. Just keep making decisions that honour yourself, your truth, and be respectful to those around you and you’ll be okay. You’ll gather more momentum as you go along and it will get easier.

    • I can’t believe the timing of your comments. This is so what I needed to hear today. Thank you Loz! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your ever-so kind words of encouragement.

  7. Loz says:

    Pleasure 🙂 I’m glad my words were helpful to you. We all need encouragement and to know that we’re not crazy and not alone in this world. I’ve been through some enormous changes at different times, and in particular during the last year or so, and I understand how it can feel when you’re getting onto your own path and “reorganising” your life. Scary but thrilling all at once. Hang in there!

  8. Living life openly and honestly is always the best advice.


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