5/11/12 Mary and I have continued our Facebook chats and I find myself impatiently waiting until we can chat again. After my revelation of what she was all about for me (Love. Passion. Letting Go and Being Me), it is all I think about. Those words swirl around in my head and somehow bring me comfort. At least now I know what it represented to me. I only wish I knew what it meant for her.
I so wish I could remember more of that night we spent together 16 years ago. I keep going back to it, reliving it, and wanting more of it. I remember being at the bar, playing pool, drinking our white Russians and the tension building between us. The glances at one another, the casual brush against her body, the endless flirting. I remember her boyfriend being there and yet it was as if he wasn’t. At one point he even said, “Do you two want to be alone?” Well of course we do, this is our night. At some point he left and then I remember walking back to her house. I remember making out like never before on that walk. I remember falling on the ground and rolling around in the grass, laughing and kissing. I remember the feeling of freedom. I remember holding her hand on that walk. I remember being in her bedroom and thinking FINALLY. I remember thinking and saying over and over how soft she was. I can remember running my hands through her hair and how soft it was, how soft her lips were, how soft her face was, how soft her whole body was. I remember how incredible her kisses were and how they made me feel. I remember the back rub and the soft touch of her hands on my back. I remember how incredible I felt when we embraced and hugged. I remember the intoxicating and so familiar smell of her Opium perfume. I remember looking in those gorgeous blue eyes and realizing I loved this woman. I remember how natural it all felt to me. I remember the incredible feeling it ignited in me. And then the inevitable happened – afterall, it always did. I remember her telling me I had to leave her bedroom because her son couldn’t see us together. BAM! Enter reality.