She Took My Breath Away

4/27/12  So Mary and I have continued our Facebook conversations and during the day today she sends me her phone number and asks me to text her. I get the message just before I have to pick up my son from school. I hesitate texting her. Somehow it seemed “safe” to just be chatting on Facebook and now the idea of texting scares me. Should I? Or shouldn’t I? I plug the number in my phone, get in my car and before leaving I send a text saying “hola”. After I sent it I can’t breathe. I mean literally, I am trying to catch my breath, my heart is pounding and I am taking deeper and deeper breaths. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. This is crazy!

I keep checking my phone. Nothing. I keep breathing deeper and deeper. My mind is a blur. What the heck is going on with me?! I’m back to thinking I’m crazy again. “Welcome back!”, says Crazy.

The ride to school is only 15 minutes. But 15 minutes of deep breathing, checking my phone and feeling crazy is feeling like an eternity. I pull up to the school and she finally texts me back, “Susan is this u?” I reply, “yup”. She apologizes that she got stuck on a job and will be free in 15 min. Unfortunately I have to go into school to pick up my son so we are unable to text and I tell her so. She tells me to give him a hug from her. My crazy side thinks it’s strange she “sends” Alex a hug but not me. So I take another deep breath, get out of the car and put on my happy Mommy face.

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This entry was posted in Change, coming out, Crazy, Friends, Lesbian, Life, Universe and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to She Took My Breath Away

  1. Dace says:

    when your heart tries to tell you the truth, you are not crazy. You are just lost in your own feelings but one day you will be where you need to be and hopefully you will chose happiness

    • AMEN to that! And this is exactly the process I’m in the midst of. I am finally listening to my heart, finding my voice and working through my issues that come along with all that. Thank you for your kind words – I truly appreciate them.

  2. alexkayden says:

    I really love that and I have felt the exact same way. You are not crazy-just in love.

  3. Love is very strong and yes, it does sometimes end. Yet it’s difficult to have an end when you have no closure.

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