The Day the Universe Knocked Me Upside My Head

I was so looking forward for this day to finally get here. Little did I know it was to be an ENORMOUS turning point in my life.

It started with attending a business conference that I had been drawn to with the author of “Thought Revolution: How to Unlock Your Inner Genius”, William Donius. I have to say it was awkward to be at a business conference when I no longer owned a business and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. It was strange to feel like I was in this awkward personal space, yet it was familiar territory as I had attended hundreds of these types of conferences before.

I highly recommend the book. It was as if his book was one of the keys I was looking for. It showed me how to unlock another side of my brain that had some answers for me. And the simple thing was all I had to do was write with my non-dominant hand. So I was exactly where I was supposed to be…of course. Thank you universe!

Now what happened later that day is what I have recently referred to as the “bitch slap” (pardon the expression) the universe gave me. Brief background: 20+ years ago I had a best friend, Mary whom we had shared occasional intimate, incredible make-out sessions during our friendship. Of course we never talked of them and blamed it on the alcohol at the time. I never thought it anything but natural and loved the way it made me feel. Well I was visiting her in Florida 16 years ago (almost to the day) and I had the most passionate, intimate night of my life without sex. We had been out drinking and on the walk home we made out like never before. We finally managed to make it back to her house and continued to the bedroom. Not only was I so turned on, I realized I was in love with her and didn’t want this to end. I had experienced the intimacy I had longed for and ironically sex wasn’t involved. (Yes, I have been in love with men, I am married and was in love with my husband but it has never been anything like this before).

So the next morning we were outside by her pool laying out and I reached for her hand while she pulled hers away. I tried to talk to her but she would not discuss it. I was CRUSHED. I later wrote her a letter which to this day I do not know if I ever sent it. Regardless if I sent it or not, I knew what I felt then. I have never had that deep feeling or connection with someone before or since. The highlight of the letter was “You are the one I love to love”. We never spoke again.

Fast forward to 16 years later on April 25, 2012 and my phone dings with a Facebook friend request from none other than…her. How could this be?! Why now?! What are you trying to do to me universe?! I hesitated and took a very deep breath and then I accepted it. I had to know how she was and maybe, just maybe she had another key for me.

So we started chatting and catching up on each other’s lives the last 16 years. Then my husband enters the room and my phone is “dinging” with our chats going back and forth. He starts saying that I’ve been non-existent and I don’t care about him. So an argument that was long in the making ensues. All the while my phone is “dinging” from her messages. What a metaphor!

Let the ride and sleepless nights continue!

This entry was posted in Awakening, Friends, Lesbian and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Day the Universe Knocked Me Upside My Head

  1. Louise Mabey says:

    It’s never too late to wake up, ding dong!

  2. Deana - you already know who I am.... says:

    WOW you are so brave to write your feelings & hidden passions so clearly….you are giving a beautiful gift to not only yourself but to others caught in the same situation…..Thankyou !!

  3. I’m riveted! This was hot and sad all at once – boy do I know what that’s like! I can’t believe she contacted you! Now I have to keep reading to see what happened 🙂 (I was going to anyway 😉 )

    • Ooh how exciting someone is riveted. I love that you are and yes, it still floors me that she had contacted me. The timing is anything but coincidental. Thanks for the comment and enjoy the ride.


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