And here’s another important stream of consciousness I neglected to include from 4/20/12. Geesh – I guess I was so excited to be writing about the Mary story, I missed these. Here is what I wrote then:
I didn’t do a formal meditation. I had coffee (which I normally don’t do) and I had a sense of knowing. My body was happy. I listened to “Brother Bear” with Phil Collins singing “Transformation” and “Great Spirits”. What incredibly powerful music! I hope Disney has an exhibit on it somewhere. I LOVED that movie and hope Alex does someday.
I’m really trying to feel everything. My body and it’s reactions to things/people. Jade had a great exercise with a bowl and I’ve been trying to imagine that. When will I know? Do I already? Is fear stopping me? I still wonder about my profession.
I had that great meditation yesterday with trying to get higher, break free from the ropes that hold me down so I could see clearly. I’ve been reading more and finding a lot of stuff that I’m resonating with.
I don’t want to get stuck in the same patterns. I want to make it easy so it all flows. So much work. Will it be that much easier “on the other side” or will it always be work? There’s not one answer. I need to get out of ego/head/final result/what I think it should look like. Follow my heart and the rest will follow. Let go of self-doubt. You really do know. Admit it. Be with it. Feel it. Let the feelings rush in and don’t hold back. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. Just FEEL. My heart is so open. My chest is sore but it feels the most open it’s ever been. Thank you yoga! I feel good and happy. Allow ALL feelings up and out. It’s ok. You’re safe with me. I will always be here to support you fully.
I’ve got negative thoughts about the sofa cushions. Mark has asked me multiple times to bring them to the manufacturer. I have to do it. I have a responsibility and yet I’m not doing it. Same thing with laundry. Am I lazy? Am I addicted to feeling, discovering, meditating? I’m getting hungry now. I must feel self. Figuratively and literally.
Again, LISTEN to these words in both of these incredible songs. POWERFUL! INCREDIBLE! …and my favorite singer, Phil Collins.