Stream of Consciousness 4/4/12

What is today about? Getting back to spirit. I had stopped remembering Houston and being “addicted” to meditating. Will I be doing something with spirituality? Pranic, craneosacral, something else? Alex is very spiritual and I want to nurture that. Should I go to Elliott Chapel ? Find a Drum circle? Meditation? Remembering the drum circle and “beasts in caves” visual where it was ok to ask them anything. At that drum circle I heard a cat growling. Some heard it, some didn’t. Strange. Am I a healer? Teacher? All the above? Something more? Need to do Indian Medicine cards again. There is something to this. I just don’t know what yet – keep on it. Don’t lose the way this time. Why did I the last time? Life? Avoidance? Does it matter? Get back on the path at all costs. Find it! Find YOU! You’re out there waiting to be discovered and nurtured. You’re to help others do the same.

Every person/thing you need is already here. All the support you need is all around. Just look and talk – reconnect. Lots of reconnecting with all of life’s interactions/people. MLS – need to see her when in RI. She needs something you have. Don’t let time get away this trip. Have fun but remember the people who made you, you. They have answers for you as well; just listen. Pay attention. We’re all here for one another – connected. I’m crying now and not sure why. Very powerful stuff but don’t quite understand now. I will in time, don’t worry.

It’s all good and for the greater good. Isn’t that what we all want to be a part of? The greater good? What does that all mean – greater good? Good for all. Help planet? Grow? It could be huge and life changing for all that want to be part of it. Is it the event we were planning? That doesn’t feel right and brings back sick feelings. Let’s not go there – or should we? Not now – just write ALL thoughts.

Husband just called and I didn’t pick up. Is it I feel he interrupted this process before? I just want to finish thoughts here. Does everything have a deep meaning? Or are some things just as they are? My brain stopped <pause> Is it midlife crisis? I keep asking that and not sure why. Sure I am. There are no filters here, just thoughts. Keep ’em coming! Just write.

My grandmother just popped into my head. I wonder how much she realizes now of life, living in a nursing home, not remembering family. Is it a way the mind uses to disconnect before dying? Is she happy? Is she ready to go? She always said she was. Why does her body stay? Is there something she needs to finish? Or is she a way for someone else to finish something they are working on? Why didn’t she ever remarry? Had she found her soul mate in Grandpa? And never could remarry? I remember her story of when he first touched her and the electricity she felt with shivers up her spine. It is just a beautiful, classic love story. I love it!

Is there heaven? Will Grandma and Grandpa reunite? What will that be like? Are there “people” on the other side? Souls? Do we see them? Just know them? Is it like Earth? Is there a difference between Earth and after we die? Why do we bury people’s bodies? What a strange thing that goes way back. Ashes to ashes. Staring at Disney travel stuff and think what a strange thing to think about/do when I’ve got all this stuff going on. Husband calling both phones now.

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